10. Hot Pursuit
Well, first things first, the title. We have a film about a
female cop and the partner of a drug lord in the setup to an action-comedy and
yet it still seems appropriate to have the title and advertising make sum up as
"Ain't they a little too pretty to wind up in this misadventure?".
Aren't we more enlightened than that by now? Thankfully the film has a saving
grace in the casting of Sofia Vergara and Reese Witherspoon as the leads; two
talented actresses with fine comic chops, but the by-the-numbers plot and
rather unworthy gags make for a generally disappointing experience.
9. Fantastic Four
Of all of the disasters and flops in Hollywood this past
year, it's hard to think of any as spectacular or well-publicised as the failed
attempt to reboot the Fantastic Four. Whilst Marvel seemed to have the golden
touch (having also this year, managed to rescue the troubled Ant-Man and turned
it into one of the franchise's best films), it quickly tainted with this
mediocre and ill-judged attempt at resurrection. Conflicts between director,
writer and cast are already becoming notorious and it's looks as if the cast
had absolutely no guidance on set, with largely detached performances, a plot
that really only kicks in right at the very end of the film and some insane casting
choices I've ever seen (Jamie Bell is a perfect Tin-Tin, but The Thing? THE
THING!?). Sooner or later the bubble had to burst in Marvel, and the Fantastic
Four showed that the money-making machine was still fallable.
8. Insurgent
Ms. Winslet, Ms. Woodley, I am so sorry. It just wouldn't be
a Top 10 Worst Films Of The Year list without a Young Adult novel adaptation
making an appearance and this year, it is the turn of the follow-up to
Divergent (2013). In of itself, Divergent was a reasonably enjoyable film.
Doubtlessly derivative of The Hunger Games as it was, the film was set out well
enough to just about work. Sadly the world-building and the tale of Tris
Prior's struggles as one of the "Divergent" group has moved on to
just setting up a rebels vs. tyrants plot, coupled with a generic romance and a
confusing plot. The films do manage to have a somewhat promising cast (hence my
apologies to Kate Winslet and Shailene Woodley, both of whom are usually a good
sign in terms of casting) but here I just feel like they could have had better
opportunities than this.
7. Jupiter Ascending
Oh, the Wachowskis. I have struggled with the work of this
Australian duo. I'll go on record as saying that as influential as it was, I've
never been a big fan of The Matrix (1999) and despite reappraisals, I doubt
I'll ever develop a fond opinion of Speed Racer (2007) (though partly because I
think that a much better film could be made from the source material). I did
find myself as a defender of the duo's polarising, ambitious and underrated
Cloud Atlas (2012), and then Jupiter Ascending shows up.
Juliter Ascending is a film that never truly settles on what
it wants to be. Clearly its influences lie in the realms of space opera, but
cannot decide firmly on being a wholesale homage like Star Wars, or an
affectionate pastiche like Mike Hodges' adaptation of Flash Gordon. Mixed in
with this is the overly-complicated premise, goofy designs and a baffling
acting performance from Eddie Redmayne who goes from whispering to insane
hollering. As a longtime defender of the Star Wars prequels, I can't shake the
feeling that this film is what critics of the prequels see. If that is the
case, I understand your rage.
6. The Boy Next Door
Part of me was considering leaving The Boy Next Door off of
my list because as bad as the film is, I sort of like it in an inept, ironic
Showgirls-esque fashion. Jennifer Lopez plays a middle-aged suburban mother who
finds herself falling for her handsome young neighbour...who also happens to be
violent psychopath.
Too brash and action-packed for a made-for-TV melodrama and
too glossy to be a particularly hard-hitting thriller, The Boy Next Door is
still appreciable for being as shamelessly crazy and contrived as it is. It may
be fun to watch with friends at a party, but quality cinema it is not.
5. Mortdecai
Can we just reach a common consensus that most of the time spy
comedies don’t work? The Austin Powers series constitutes some of the best and
they’ve never really been much better than “okay”. Still, Mortdecai arrived and
failed to heed the warning of so many failures before. Johnny Depp stars as the
moustachioed toff of the title and is at his most buffoonish whilst a
supporting cast amble with Depp through a series of poor gags and a running gag
about Mortdecai’s nose broom that just…keeps…going. This is low-grade comedy
and audiences deserve better.
4. By The Sea
Having already seen her World War II drama Unbroken, I saw
Angelina Jolie-Pitt as a director of promise. By The Sea has shaken my faith in
her potential slightly. Here she stars opposite her husband Brad Jolie-Pitt as
an American couple in a broken marriage holidaying in France, which presents a
new twist in their relationship.
Given the prominent roles of Hollywood's power couple
"Branjelina", the appearance of a vanity project becomes fairly
clear. Both of the Jolie-Pitts are talented and intelligent enough for this to
have perhaps not been intentional, but this is a film that wallows in the
rarified glamour in which they live. It's the south of France in the time of
Bardot, it's wealthy artist types and the high-life. It is also a drama but
with these problems of the "beautiful people", there is not much to
empathise or sympathise with and not even an atmosphere for which to feel much
emotional connection. What results? A solidly dull and pretentious two hours.
3. The Gallows
One of the things that has filled me with hope recently is
the arrival of a new crop of decent mainstream horror films that suggest that
the doldrums of modern horror may soon be but a memory. The Gallows is a stark
reminder that those dark days have not yet passed. Whilst in its barest of
elements, The Gallows would be a dumb and forgettable found-footage movie,
there are a number of issues that push it beyond forgettable into the memorably
poor.
Even for a horror film, the premise seems convoluted and
tacked-on, including the found-footage angle (Found-footage has recently become
popular as a money-saving device. How high of a budget could you possibly need
when you're shooting with unknown actors almost entirely in a dark and empty
high school?) and a cast that is either extremely annoying (our initial
cameraman is so obnoxious he totally eradicates any sympathy) or spectacularly
mis-cast (I don't care how "weird" she seems to be, the lead actress
is far too pretty and mostly normal to be an outcast in a high school). One of
the worst horror films I have ever seen.
2. Knock Knock
It probably strikes some people as weird that as a male
feminist I still have a great appreciation for horror movies. Trashy horror
movies at that. These are films often accused of misogyny which I have only partially
agreed with, for reasons too long-winded to explain here.
Knock Knock provided a very clear insight into that notion
that horror movies could be accused of being anti-woman. Keanu Reeves plays a
husband and father who ends up playing host to two young women who proceed to
first seduce Keanu before staging a full -blown home invasion. Roth's
influences are very much from the 70's grindhouse school and that's all well
and good. Thrown up into a modern context however produces something very dark
and borderline hateful.
This film's whole purpose seems to be in exploring women as
seducers and sadists with no real decent female counterpoint (in effect, the
film only has three major cast members) to balance it out. I know Eli Roth is a
director who revels in pure exploitation and I actually applaud that he does
so, but when the message is as wrong-footed as this seems to be, the urge is to
cleanse oneself as soon as this was all over.
1. Fifty Shades Of Grey
Hopes were never going to be high for this adaptation of E.L
James' massively successful but equally reviled erotic novel. I went in with no
real insight into the source material (though what I did know set up some very
low expectations) and I was met with expectedly poor writing and an equally
expected despicable main character in Christian Grey (not so much romantic lead
as a horrifyingly possessive and self-destructive psycho-in-the-making) but
also direction by Sam Taylor-Johnson that was only matched in sterility by the
absolute absence of chemistry between Dakota Johnson and Jamie Dornan.
If the film had been more audacious and shocking, it would
have at least had a conviction to commend it, but this less-than-lukewarm
turkey was a profoundly unpleasant experience. Worst still, there's still more
adaptations coming. I don't see them getting any better, and yet I can't see
how they can be much worse.
Awful.
