10. B******s
(I'm not the biggest fan of Euro-cinema but I can defend it from people calling it pretentious. This is just pretentious impenetrable nonsense that raises far more questions than answers. Part of me is glad I'm censoring the title thereby slightly robbing the film of publicity)
(I'm not the biggest fan of Euro-cinema but I can defend it from people calling it pretentious. This is just pretentious impenetrable nonsense that raises far more questions than answers. Part of me is glad I'm censoring the title thereby slightly robbing the film of publicity)
9. Mrs. Brown's Boys D'Movie
(A lot of people like Mrs. Brown's Boys, I do not. Sort of reminds me of the naff elements of 70's low-brow comedy that I felt the alternative comics swept away. As I've mentioned before, Brendan O'Carroll's a very smart guy, I have nothing against him, but it's excruciating to see this kind of clowning for a whole movie.)
(A lot of people like Mrs. Brown's Boys, I do not. Sort of reminds me of the naff elements of 70's low-brow comedy that I felt the alternative comics swept away. As I've mentioned before, Brendan O'Carroll's a very smart guy, I have nothing against him, but it's excruciating to see this kind of clowning for a whole movie.)
8. Blended
(Adam Sandler's on here, big surprise, but I've always derived some joy from his work with Drew Barrymore. No longer is this true. About as dumb as you expect from Sandler's comedies and this time lumped in woth the reductive stereotypes of "Africa". Okay, South Africa, but the distinction between country and continent is all too rare.)
(Adam Sandler's on here, big surprise, but I've always derived some joy from his work with Drew Barrymore. No longer is this true. About as dumb as you expect from Sandler's comedies and this time lumped in woth the reductive stereotypes of "Africa". Okay, South Africa, but the distinction between country and continent is all too rare.)
7. Walking On Sunshine
(80's pop jukebox musical that desperately wants to be Mama Mia! but lacks the star power and, obviously, the originality that the earlier film had. Too desperately earnest to be enjoyed as camp and definitely too daft to be taken seriously.)
(80's pop jukebox musical that desperately wants to be Mama Mia! but lacks the star power and, obviously, the originality that the earlier film had. Too desperately earnest to be enjoyed as camp and definitely too daft to be taken seriously.)
6.Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles
(Although Michael Bay didn't direct this film, it plays to so much of Bay's poorest elements as a film-maker, it almost seems like a parody. I've never been a big fan of the turtles, but even I felt that poor Donatello, Micelangelo, Leonardo and Raphael deserved better than this as did Whoopi Goldberg and Will Arnett. Megan Fox knew what she was getting herself into.)
(Although Michael Bay didn't direct this film, it plays to so much of Bay's poorest elements as a film-maker, it almost seems like a parody. I've never been a big fan of the turtles, but even I felt that poor Donatello, Micelangelo, Leonardo and Raphael deserved better than this as did Whoopi Goldberg and Will Arnett. Megan Fox knew what she was getting herself into.)
5. Sex Tape
(What could've been a sweet, if cheeky, comedy about the problems of middle-aged couple just goes straight for the lowest common denominator and keeps plunging. Not one laugh to be had. Okay, Jack Black made me grin...a little. We missed you, Jables.)
(What could've been a sweet, if cheeky, comedy about the problems of middle-aged couple just goes straight for the lowest common denominator and keeps plunging. Not one laugh to be had. Okay, Jack Black made me grin...a little. We missed you, Jables.)
4. Pudsey The Dog: The Movie.
(The best film about a dancing dog that I've ever seen. The only film about a dancing dog that I've ever seen. Just complete tosh not meant to last in anyone's memories and it's insulting to the intelligence of children. In a world of Disney and Ghibli, I don't want to see John Sessions overplaying every syllable of dialogue or running jokes about pig muck, thank you.)
(The best film about a dancing dog that I've ever seen. The only film about a dancing dog that I've ever seen. Just complete tosh not meant to last in anyone's memories and it's insulting to the intelligence of children. In a world of Disney and Ghibli, I don't want to see John Sessions overplaying every syllable of dialogue or running jokes about pig muck, thank you.)
3. Tarzan
(Some of the ugliest computer animation that I've ever seen, tied around a derivative and badly written story. Seen a lot of these low-budget computer animated films from foreign climbs in recent years and whilst I get that they don't have the production values of Pixar or Dreamworks, they still need to try harder.)
(Some of the ugliest computer animation that I've ever seen, tied around a derivative and badly written story. Seen a lot of these low-budget computer animated films from foreign climbs in recent years and whilst I get that they don't have the production values of Pixar or Dreamworks, they still need to try harder.)
2. Grace Of Monaco
(Ick. The film looks like a Ferrero Rocher ad but with none of the substance of even a confectionary. A group of actors that I really like (Tim Roth, Frank Langella, Robert Lindsay, try as I might I'm not often completely won over by Nicole Kidman) delivering performances with little to no depth. Some fingers of blame have been pointed to director Olivier Dahan, some have been pointed to the distributors The Weinsteins, but even at a script level this is poor, poor, poor)
(Ick. The film looks like a Ferrero Rocher ad but with none of the substance of even a confectionary. A group of actors that I really like (Tim Roth, Frank Langella, Robert Lindsay, try as I might I'm not often completely won over by Nicole Kidman) delivering performances with little to no depth. Some fingers of blame have been pointed to director Olivier Dahan, some have been pointed to the distributors The Weinsteins, but even at a script level this is poor, poor, poor)
1. A New York Winter's Tale
(Although I've never been a fan of his, I feel bad for Akiva Goldsman as I know his personal life has been hard these last couple of years. That being said, he should've stayed away from this film. Tons of problems with logic and a cloying sentimentality that makes the film completely impossible to take seriously. By the time I saw Colin Farrell riding through the streets of New York on a magic horse, I was in hysterics.)
(Although I've never been a fan of his, I feel bad for Akiva Goldsman as I know his personal life has been hard these last couple of years. That being said, he should've stayed away from this film. Tons of problems with logic and a cloying sentimentality that makes the film completely impossible to take seriously. By the time I saw Colin Farrell riding through the streets of New York on a magic horse, I was in hysterics.)
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